Still Counting

Hi. I’m 12.

Today marks my second year in my company, and I’m still trying to figure out whether to be happy or sad about that. Haha.

Two years ago, I had this glamorous vision of my life after college. I actually started this blog to document my life as an adult, thinking that I’d be spending it on adventures and tons of other stuff I didn’t experience before my college graduation. Little did I know, I’d end up having a job that requires me to sit in front of the computer 8 hours a day. (But I probably spend an hour of that in the pantry, since I spend a lot of time eating. Anyway…) So, there’s nothing much to blog about.

When I started working, my sister and mother bet that I probably wouldn’t last. Knowing my impatience and intolerance for sitting in one place for hours, an office job wasn’t something they envisioned for me. But look at me last for two years.

I want to say something profound, something enlightening. I want to say some deep life lessons being a working girl has taught me. But I cannot think of any. I think I have changed in ways that aren’t so evident. Obviously, I’m still a kid who do not know how to pose glamorously in front of the camera. I also still don’t know my angle. My weight has varied over the past two years. I went from underweight to chubby to chubbier to chubbiest, but I’d like to think that I’m slimming down a bit lately. My hair had been straight, frizzy, then straight again, and currently, a mess.

I’d been incredibly stingy that I tried to spend less than 1K every week, even though I eat out thrice everyday. But over the past few months, I’m loosening up a bit on my expenses. No, not a bit. I think I’m spending more than I probably should. I feel guilty about it sometimes, but right now, I just feel like spoiling myself specially when pressure and stress pile up on work.

When I was still a student, I thought people would naturally mature and be more sophisticated as they grow older. But maturity and sophistication seem to be two things that don’t happen to me. Katimangan is something they say I do a lot. And if tripping/slipping/bumping doors and tables (weather wearing heels or flats, doesn’t matter) at least once a day equate to sophistication, then yes, I am sophisticated.

If you’d ask me if I became a better person, I probably wouldn’t know what to answer. I’m still in the process of learning how to deal with life and the trials I’ll face along the way. I still cannot control my anger, and I still snap at people who annoy me. I try to deal better with my pet peeves, but sometimes I still fail at acting civil.

One thing I’m proud to say is that I have kept a positive attitude. Sure, not all the I see some light and whatever during difficulties. But I do not dwell on sadness and wallow in self-pity. When things start to look too frustrating or depressing, I’m glad that I can find some things in life to smile about. After all, I’m not the perkiest and happiest person for nothing. Haha. Some people make adulthood seem so serious and stern, but I refuse for it to be either.

However, I still think I’m pretty blessed not to be subjected to extreme difficulties. Even though I’m already 22 and already working, people still seem to protect from all the harsh realities of life. Or maybe I’m just blessed enough to have everything I need in my disposal, and to not have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I admit, though, that work can get extremely frustrating. Once, I finally threw my hands in surrender, walked out of my workstation, and drunk coffee. Ha. More often than not, I need to take a breather or the stress from work would eat me alive. Maybe the fact that what I’m doing right now isn’t exactly what I want to do adds to the stress and frustration I feel everyday. Everyday, I yearn for satisfaction, and I honestly don’t think I’ll get that feeling here. I do learn a lot from the work I do everyday, but I somehow feel like I’d like to learn something else.  Everyday, I motivate myself to do what I always do. I tell myself that if I want to be a professional fangirl, then I should earn as much as possible. Suffice to say, this line of thinking helps me reach my work quota. Heh.

Good thing I work with amazing and crazy people that work becomes tolerable. And they might actually be the reason why it’ll be difficult to let all of this go. It wasn’t easy to get to such a comfortable place. A year ago, I was apprehensive to even call them friends. But now, I can’t look at them and not regard them as such. I truthfully didn’t think that I’d still make good friends after college. College was hard, and making friends wasn’t easy. But just two years in the office, I’m glad that I already feel comfortable around my officemates. I’m not sure how it happened. I’m usually aloof. Anyway, I’m thankful that they can tolerate all my fangirl-ing episodes and all my corny jokes and ridiculous puns. They bully me a lot, though, so I promise to bully them back. Work may not be the best one there is, but I’m quite glad to be spending my everyday with these crazies.

So while I’m still not sure where I want to go and the future still looks terrifying, I’m just going to stay here. It’s probably not the best thing to do, but it’s definitely better than being a bum or sulking in a corner. As much as I want to go back to my unemployment stage, I actually prefer earning some moolah, no matter how little it is. Haha.